BEASTS

Every year ESPN the magazine puts together a list of the NEXT great athlete. They have wowed the entire world with predictions that Lebron, Tiger Woods would come to rule their sport. Shockers both I know. In the spirit of the ESPN NEXT articles… I am going to bring you the beast list. What exactly is a beast? I think a beast is a person whose actions speak louder than their words. A person whose actions never cease to amaze you is a beast. Typically when hearing about an especially beastly move my response will be and after hearing about their escapades the only reaction you can really have is…what a beast.

Political Beast – Rahm Emanuel

Now up until 2 days ago I didn’t know Rahm Emanuel from Temple Emanuel. However with Barack Obama looking to turn around 240 years of continuous W.A.S.P. rule over this here land, he has appointed Rahm Emanuel to be his Chief of Staff. For those politically ignorant readers out there the job of the Chief of Staff is to be the Presidents closest advisor. In some cases he has to go out and find blue dresses for the Presidents mistresses to wear, in other cases he needs to round up every 18-24 year old male and send them to a certain Cuban “resort”. In any case the chief of staff is the President’s bitch, right hand man, and advisor all rolled into one. Rahm has made the first ever beast list because he does not fuck around. The mans nickname is Rahm-Bo after this famous outburst following the 1996 elections of Bill Clinton:

“Emanuel is said to have "mailed a rotting fish to a former coworker after the two parted ways."^[7] On the night after the 1996 election, "Emanuel was so angry at the president's enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting 'Dead! ... Dead! ... Dead!' and plunging the knife into the table after every name."

For those of you looking to make future renditions of the Beast List, this is the kind of no nonsense attitude it takes. Being a beast usually involves a wicked temper, holding a lot of hate and spite in ones heart, and taking every opportunity to be overly dramatic and insinuate death to your enemies

Rahm Emanuel WHAT A BEAST!

Athletic Beast – Nate Robinson

Now, one would think that Pacman Jones or Maurice Clarett should make the Beast list. Unfortunately those of you who think that are fucking morons. Beasts are accomplished people who just assert their savagery at every possible moment. Therefore Pacman and Maurice are out. The athlete beast is my main man (and fantasy sleeper) Nate Robinson. Lets all admit it basketball is a tall mans game. Being 5’7 and making it in the NBA asserts a certain level of assumed beastliness. However Nate’s height alone is not enough to get him on this list. Let me list his accomplishments

1) 1) Slam dunk Champ

2) 2) Missed his dunk an embarrassing 7 trillion times and still got a near perfect score.

3) 3) In one season he fought punk ass teammates Malik Rose & Jerome James

4) 4) In same season he tried to fight Carmelo Anthony. While Carmelo will berate any snitches (including Nick Kazur…who is both Canadian and a Snitch big no no’s on the beast list) he won’t fight a man who is like 11 inches shorter than he is. Why you ask? Because ‘Melo knows Nate Robinson would have absolutely wrecked him

5) He blocked Yao Ming who is like 11ft tall.

Nate Robinson WHAT A BEAST

Cue 'em Up

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Celtics Season Preview

2007-2008 Recap: Where to start. Ohh yeah, the Celtics won the championship last year. By defeating the Lakers 4 game to 2, the Celtics won their 17^th World Championship and first since 1986. The offseason additions of Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen propelled the Celtics to the championship behind a smothering defense and an on court cohesiveness that hasn’t been seen in these parts since the 2001 Patriots. While many questioned how the new Big 3 would blend together, Doc Rivers installed an attitude of Ubuntu¹ that rallied the team together and eventually led to the hoisting of the Larry O’Brian Trophy.

Also, 2007-2008 served as my first venture into season ticket holder status. Sure I only had a half season but I had made it baby. Due to perhaps the greatest market timing of all time Peach² made a strategic phone call on the 1^st day P.K.G³ and secured to seats in Section 330, Row 13, Seats 5-6. Our half game package let us watch many sick regular season games including: 60 point demolition of the Nuggets, KG led romp over the Rockets, revenge victory of the Hornets, a Sunday matinee win vs the Spurs and others. Overall Peach and myself were 15-5 in the games we had tickets to, for a .750 winning percentage (remember that number). However our true value was proven in the playoffs. Our 7-0 record, included the best game of the season⁴ truly proved our worth as probably the 14^th or 15^th most important reason for why the Celtics won the title

Offseason: Everyone is going to point to the loss of James Posey as the major sting off the offseason⁵ While I will be the first to give James a standing ovation on his return trip to the Garden on December 12^th (Figo’s bday) I think our bench may be even stronger this year. The addition of Patrick O’Brian means there is truly something cosmic in the universe. It is only appropriate that someone with the last name of O’Brian joins the NBA’s only redhead on a team called the Celtics. If there was a team called the Bankers then all of the Jews in the NBA would be obligated to go play for them, and perhaps even I would have a shot to try out⁶.

The Big 3: In the preseason this year it appears as though Ray Allen has finally gotten comfortable with his game in this offense. He is never going to get the 20+ shots a game that he did when he was in Milwaukee and Seatlle, but efficiency will be the key for him. Paul Pierce is the star out of the big 3 in whom I am the most worried. Paul has been one of the most underappreciated stars in the NBA before his coming out party last year. I think Doc will manage his minutes more effectively this year to ensure Paul is ready come playoff time. Now KG, its truly hard to gauge a player without watching him night in and night out. Sure I love Tim Duncan but I’ve never watched more then a handful of Spurs games in a given year. KG last year impressed me more than any player I have ever watched play, his intensity and focus on a game to game basis is a thing of legends. His ability to inspire teammates is an aspect of his game that deserves tremendous amounts of praise, he has more intangibles to his game then any player I have ever seen. On top of all that, he is an efficient scorer that has tremendous length that makes his fade away baseline jumper deadly. He has perfect the extended elbow jumper from a step inside the arc, and his interior defense led to the Celtics defense ranking up there with the best of all time

2008-2009: The Celtics have aging stars and their health will go a long way in determining how well this team fares this year. I think a slight drop off in regular season win totals could be expected, however come playoff time I like what the Celtics can throw at other teams. By then Danny Ainge will know whether or not Tony Allen is a reliable wing option off the bench. By then Bill Walker, Darius Miles, JR Giddens will all have been given the opportunity to determine if they are reliable wing options off the bench. By then Danny Ainge will have brought in the necessary, complementary part if necessary. I like the Celtics to finish 1^st in the East, and see a little finals rematch with the Lakers. Which of course we will win (4-2)

Breakout Candidate: Leon Powe. While some say he has already broken out, I think he will continue to get better. He is a man child who scores the ball extremely efficiently. I expect that to continue and improve this year.

Dud Candidate: I hate to say it, but Tony Allen. He has been about as streaky as streaky can come. He starts to play well, and then decides to dunk after the whistle is blown and blow out his knee. Historically, he has played better with long and more consistent minutes. He will definitely be given the chance this year, just not so sure he will handle it. I believe by the middle to end of the year Bill Walker is going to be getting a lot of those minutes, assuming that he buys in on the defensive end. Also, while I expect Pierce and Allen’s minutes to both be reduced, I see Doc making sure one of them is on the floor a lot more.

1 - African for fuck the Hawks, Cavs, Pistons, Lakers, ESPN Pundits, all Haters for doubting that we would eventually win the title

2 - William D. Sevush for those of you who don’t know

3 - Post KG

4 - Game 7 vs the Cavs in the 2^nd round of the playoffs. There are two sporting events that I have personally attended that have the potential for being the greatest I have ever been to. The first is the UMass BBall victory vs UConn when they were the defending National Champions. The second is Game 7 vs the Cavs. Not sure which was better.

5 - Considering the fact that he went to the Hornets, I think sting is an appropriate adjective to use here

6 – Trivia. Who is the only known Jew in the NBA currently? (First to answer correctly gets a hearty handshake accompanied by a pat on the back.

Chelsie Socha - Blog SuperFan # 1

"Your witty blog is the only thing getting me through this day. Write something so I can have a new opinion" - Chelsie Socha

Down 3-1. No Big Deal

I just wanted to remind people what happens when we lose 3 games in the American League Championship Series. For those of you like Adam Feldman who will undoubtedly call me over the next few days and rag on my guarantee that the Sox win it all, I want you to think twice before calling, and then jump out a window.

The Sox will go on a little 7 game winning streak...I've seen it happen before and that is only part of the reason I am so sure it will happen again.

Working with Hedge Funds, the phrase past performance is no guarantee of future results is in every funds pitch book that they distribute to investors. Unfortunately for the Devil Rays (Sorry you can't just drop part of your name because you realize it was a dumb team name in the first place) this isn't hedge fund world, its baseball, and with Dice-K, Beckett, and Lester lined up for the next 3 starts theres almost no way we don't win.

With that being said, mad props to the Devil Rays who are absolutely nasty...to bad they had to win 3 against us, because their luck has just about run out.

I Think I Just Got Hit On

This is a little outdated. So in advance I am sorry for not bringing this up earlier. But as I just started this blog yesterday I am sure you will all forgive me. About two weeks ago the two main candidates for Vice President of the United States engaged in what appeared to be a debate on the issues that are prevalent to American's today. While they discussed issues like: the economy, war in Iraq, their own experience, and a 3rd grade classroom somewhere, it's seems apparent (as I have not seen this reported anywhere else) that Sarah Palin was trying to make her move on me. I submit as piece of evidence #1 the picture located above.

Now, as this picture clearly demonstrates Sarah Palin is giving ole' GB the hey hows it going, lets meet after this debate so we can "discuss" the "issues really facing America". Now don't get me wrong Sarah Palin is probably the hottest elected official to come around in a long time. However, unfortunately for her shes not exactly my type. First of all, I am off the market (hey Syd!) and all of this talk is hypothetical anyway, but for starters Jews don't play hockey. While my friend Jereme Geller may appear to be the exception, something tells me he was closer to an ice princess than a hockey player. If Sarah and I had kids, I would be depriving her from being the hockey mom that she claims to be. Also I am anti- cold weather. Sarah is the governor of Alaska, sure I've heard Alaska is beautiful and there are Moose and shit up there...but it is freaking cold...so sorry Sarah you are 0 for 2. Finally, I am not even close to being ready to be a father, so how in the hell could I be ready to be a grandfather (or step grandfather...you get the idea) with Bristol being all preggers, I'm afraid I'm going to have to JUST SAY NO!

So to recap, Sarah I am flattered. I really am. I can't say that I am all that surprised cause hey what elected public official doesn't cheat on their spouse (for examples see: Bill Clinton, that guy who tried to bang a dude in an airport bathroom, or the former governor of NY) but for Sarah to be so up front about it, when she was supposed to be debating was a little hard for even me to handle. So Sarah, thanks but no thanks

Facebook

For just about every single person I know the answer to the above question is yes. Facebook was (and for many still is) a necessary tool in ones social life. Now don't get me wrong, there are certain aspects of facebook that are practical and great. It gives you the ability to maintain the resemblance of a relationship with even the most distant acquaintances. For example, on my birthday I got something like 74 wall posts wishing me a happy birthday. I legitimately speak to 3 of those people. The other 71 were elementary school class mates, people who I spent time with while I was abroad in Israel, or other distant associates, none of whom do i see, speak with, or have any sorts of contact with.

When I first heard of facebook I was a sophmore at UMass, living in the dorms, and truly a little fish in a huge freaking pond. Facebook was an invaluable tool in helping my put names to tits...I mean faces of all the hotties in my various classes. Also it allowed you to plan a party and invite all your friends without making a single phone call. At the time facebook was limited to college students, and while facebook stalking became a regular hobby of mine it was all rather harmless.
In the ensuing years facebook has slutted itself out to the corporate world. It seems like whenever I go on I am getting spammed with some type of add I have no interest in, or being invited to groups and parties that I wouldn't even dream about attending. Also when they opened up facebook to the masses it created a whole new can of worms.

One of the greatest things about facebook was it gave one the ability to post pictures. While at UMass those pics may have shown me doing any number of things I would today be ashamed of, when only my college peers could see those pictures the ramifications were typically harmless. However with bosses, and other grownups now on the 'book the ramifications of such pictures can potentially be deadly. Pictures of you smoking a little reefer may have once been funny but now they are the reason you aren't getting a job.

So folks, be careful. Be very careful about facebook. Sure it may seem like fun to post pictures of your buddy passed out on a bathroom floor, but at the end of the day putting things on the internet is sorta like (insert STD of choice here). Sure it may go away for a while, put it is never totally dead. Just when you least expect it something that happened many a years ago will come up to bite you in the ass

Terry Francona

Terry Francona is the beloved (to some), manager of the Boston Red Sox. For many a moons now I have defended Francona at nausea. While I hate to be cliche the proof is in the pudding. He has won 2 world series, his players unanimously love him, and he isn't Grady Little or Jimy Williams(1) both former nit wits who managed the Sox.
Many of my contemporaries(2) have hated on Francona because they are convinced that the Sox have won in spite of him, and that he cant juggle a pitching staff. Also, because they are Red Sox fans they are convinced they know more about the Sox than whomever the manager is.
With all of that being said, Francona screwed up royally in Game 2 of the ALCS vs Tampa Bay. Leading the series 1-0 and with the chance to put a strangle hold on the Rays, Francona waited far to long to pull out his starter and former staff ace Josh Beckett as he was getting shelled by the Rays. Also, extra innings, in a tie game he elected to go with Mike Timlin, a great veteran with many notches of playoff glory under his belt instead of Paul Byrd a late season pickup who had filled in admirably as a 5th starter. By staying with Beckett and pitching Timlin, Francona's tendencies to stay with "his guys" were magnified under the playoff glare.
With Game 3 starting in 5 hours or so, I am still confident the Sox will pull the series out. However, my faith and confidence in Francona has most certainly been shaken.


Footnotes

1 - Jimy Williams is now the Philadelphia Phillies Bench Coach. Why anyone in baseball gave him a job after what he did to the Boston Red Sox in the time that he was in charge is an absolute mystery to me.
2- For future reference my contemporaries consist of five groups of people, and most everyone I know is associated with, and can be traced to one of these groups one of these groups. The first group is my friends from a jewish day camp I attended and then worked at called Camp Grossman. The second group is from a jewish youth group I was in called USY. The third group are friends from High School. What is most interesting about this group is that while I am now close with the group that has labeled itself "The Crew" I wasnt nearly as close with these people when I saw them every day in high school. The fourth group of my friends are associates that I met while at UMass Amherst. The fifth group is bunch of fellow research analysts I spend between 45-55 hours a week working with at BHA, a start up company that does research and marketing for alternative investment funds